A Day Off

(Everybody needs a break.)

Yesterday, my mom had to go to the hospital for various geriatric tests. So my job was to stay at home to babysit her dogs. They are both stubborn…especially Julius. If you call him, he refuses to come. If you try to take him outside for a piss, he will growl and snap at you. And if you attempt to coax him with a tasty treat, he’ll simply turn up his nose like there’s a pile of shit in your hand.

But he’s an intelligent beast. Make no mistake about it.

For instance, he was sitting on one of the chairs in the den when I poked my head in.

I said, “Fuck you, Julius.”

And he barked at me. It’s almost like he could understand what I said. I shit you not. Spooky, right?

I walked to the patio to smoke cigarettes and watch YouTube videos. Lately, I’ve been very interested in the differences between New Covenant theology and dispensationalism. New Covenant folk don’t believe in the rapture or the necessity for the construction of a third temple whereas dispensationalists think that the Jews are still God’s chosen people and play a vital role in the return of Jesus Christ.

To that end, I watched several sermons by Chuck Baldwin. They were very entertaining, and I highly recommend them. Do I agree with the pastor? Well, that’s the wrong question. I’m an extremely pointy five-point Calvinist who believes that the Lord holds complete sovereignty over the entire universe. Therefore, God’s going to do what God’s going to do, so why sweat the bullshit?

Mom returned at 3 p.m. with all kinds of punctures on her arm.

I said, “Wow. They really used you as a pin cushion.”

“Well, it had to be done.”

“Is it good news or bad news?”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Neither, really. I won’t find out the results for a few days.”

“What were they checking for?”

She shrugged again. “Pretty much everything.”

Mom has great medical insurance. Therefore, she might just live forever. Me, on the other hand? I’ve got nothing. But I don’t care. It is what it is.

I looked at the old lady. “Do you want to go to Walmart to spend my EBT money? We could buy some nice steaks and dedicate the meal to Uncle Sam.”

She shook her head. “I’m too tired. Maybe tomorrow.”

Later that night, I drove to church by myself. Both of my sons are a couple of pagans, and they now avoid Wednesday-night service like the plague.

Anyway, the pastor talked about Daniel 11 and the coming of the anti-Christ. This enemy of Jesus will have no interest in women, and he’ll spend all his energy trying to accumulate global power. I immediately thought of Hitler. In World War I, Adolf’s buddies used to call him the woman-hater because he never had pussy on his mind.

On the way home, I stopped at the Dollar Store. I bought all kinds of sugary goodies and several bottles of Coke. It came to 41 bucks.