My Wife

 

(The Dragon Lady reached out.)

Yesterday, the Dragon Lady got in touch with me via Facebook Messenger. The conversation wasn’t very long, and it was all in the form of text messages.

She typed, “How are you?”

I said, “OK.”

“Good.”

“So what’s your bottom line?”

“I just checking. You still go to the church?”

“Yes. On Wednesdays.”

“Great. Here a picture of my pastor and his wife.”

She sent me their photo. They were a couple of Koreans whom I didn’t recognize.

I typed, “How’s the dog?”

She sent me a picture of Dolly the Bichon. The beast looked damn good. I really miss that puppy.

My wife typed, “I must go now. I have class to teach.”

“OK.”

The Dragon Lady teaches Korean to children who can’t speak the language. The peninsula is currently teeming with lots and lots of foreign workers. And many of the rugrats need to improve their language skills. To that end, she works at a school in the city of Daejeon.

Anyway, most of you fucking morons probably aren’t familiar with borderline and narcissistic characteristic traits in females. And why should you be? It’s not like you married the devil. Anyway, these sinister women have a favorite person. He’s usually the poor son of a bitch who has to put up with all their evil mischief.

Right now, the Dragon Lady is splitting. That means she’s viewing me in black and white. She’s looking back on all her fond memories and concluding that I was the best thing since sliced bread. Therefore, in her diseased mind, she’s got to get me back in order to inflict more psychological damage on her best friend. Yet, when I’m trapped in her web once again, she’ll see me as the biggest piece of shit that ever lived.

There’s no gray area with borderlines and narcissists. You are either an angel sent from heaven or a demon from the pit of hell. Hence the term splitting.

I told Nurse Ken about my brief conversation, and he just about made doodie his pants.

“Why do you keep talking to that crazy bitch? You should ignore her.” He paused for dramatic effect. “You won’t be happy until she puts a knife in your heart, and we’re lowering you into a grave.”

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit dramatic?”

“Dramatic? She’s a dangerous woman.”

“I’m not good at giving people the silent treatment. It seems rather childish to me.”

Suddenly, my mom decided to put her two cents in. “She’ll never step foot through this door. I can promise you that much. I won’t have her near the boys. She’s caused enough chaos to last a lifetime.”

I sighed heavily. “Who the fuck says she’s coming?”

“I’m just telling you up front. This is my home, and I won’t have her here.”

“OK. I got the message. Let’s fucking drop it.”

Mom said, “You should be less cheeky and more grateful.”

“Grateful? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re the one who dragged me out of Asia telling me you were going to die soon.”

She smiled. “Well, maybe I am.”

And here’s the truth. I enjoyed being a resident of South Korea. I liked it a hell of a lot better than living in the USA. Everything was in walking distance, and I didn’t need a car. Plus I got free education for Rice-Boy Larry, and the school also gave me a free apartment.

But why look at the past? I’m here, and I’m a waffle boy. So that’s that.

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