Hello, my dearest friends. I’m afraid that your humble narrator is a tad drunk due to a few Jack and Cokes. But I’ll do my best to be as coherent as possible. I once heard that the famous gunfighter Doc Holliday was a deadly shot when he was in the bag. So how hard could it be to write five hundred words while under the influence? We shall see.
Anyway, I bought a Hyundai Venue last Saturday, and I
paid for the vehicle in cash in order to avoid a monthly nut. However, I couldn't pick it up until Monday. That’s old news.
But I struck up a conversation with the finance guy as I crossed the t's and dotted the i's. His name is Doug, and he’s an Englishman who loves history.
He said, “I’m so damned tired. I’ve been working for fifteen
straight days. The grind never ends.”
I said, “I’d love a job like this.”
“Really?”
“No kidding. I’ve been slaving at a bullshit gig with
the Waffle House since I came back to America.”
“Are you planning to teach again in August?”
I sighed heavily. “I’d rather dive to my death off a
luxury cruise ship than to step back into a classroom.”
He laughed out loud. “Well, I do make good
money. In fact, I drive a Genesis.”
“How much did that run you? About seventy grand?”
He nodded. “That’s right. Seventy grand. You hit it
right on the nose.”
“It must be nice.”
Doug frowned and shook his head. “I’d rather teach
history on the high-school level. That was my dream. Sadly, it never worked
out.”
“Man, you’re crazy. I taught high-school English for
five years in America. It sucked giant ass. A lot of the kids were either crazy
or on drugs.” I paused for dramatic effect. “You really need to count your
blessings.”
“Why don’t you come to work here? Some of the top
salesmen make $20,000 a month.”
“You’re shitting me.”
“I’m not. I’ve seen their salaries with my own eyes.
Not saying that you would be at their level. It’s a complete grind, and if you
don’t sell, then you starve. But even the weak members of the herd usually make
about four grand a month.”
To make a long story short, he gave me an application
and told me to bring it back whenever I passed his way in the future. So I
drove home in my brand-new Venue and filled out the paperwork at my mom’s
kitchen table. Then I threw the application into the drawer by my bed and
forgot about it.
Fast forward to Friday. I drove down to the Hyundai
dealership in the morning and gave Doug the application. He shook my hand and
told me he’d give it to the sales manager. Will I hear from Hyundai in the
future? Probably not. But it’s in God’s hands, right?
On my way home, I stopped at the Toyota dealership. I
stepped into the showroom and talked to a young fat lady who was covered in tattoos.
I said, “I’d like to apply to for a job.”
“In sales?”
“Yes. In sales.”
She picked up the phone and talked to her boss for a
brief moment. “One of the managers would like to speak to you. Have a seat, and
he’ll call you when he’s ready.”
Well, I waited for an hour, but not a single soul came to speak to me. So I got up and walked out. If they’re going to treat me like a dog when I’m a civilian, imagine how bad they’d abuse me if I were actually an employee. Who needs that shit?
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Dear Jack- be cautious on your quest to be a successful car salesman! You know what people say about them. For both new cars and used. I'd be skeptical that the Hyundai guy purchased a Genesis (that isn't wrecked). He probably lives in the dumpster out back. Many work maybe 3 months and then get jettisoned and find a new gig at some other dealership. Like an independent who sells junk that he had some teenagers vacuum and polish for $50. Maybe have Rice Boy pretend to be a customer and practice with him before you make a decision. He will likely be easier than the real customers you'll have to deal with! After you get tuned up do a practice run with Daphne.
ReplyDeleteHe's actually the finance guy. He doesn't seem to sell anything.
DeleteI would be cautious given the proposed tariffs on new cars. Waffles are a sure thing—cars not so much.
ReplyDeleteIt's America. Everybody needs a car...even more than a house.
DeleteIt's been a lonely day with no stories about Waffle House or Rice Boy Larry. Did the new Hyundai Voltaris break down and you're having to hitch-hike to work? Life can become very scary when you toss your safety to a stranger who ends up taking you to a destination you had no plans to visit.
ReplyDeleteI just pulled a ten-hour shift, and my dick is dragging in the dirt. But I did make $260. Now I'm off to bed even though the sun is shining. God bless.
DeleteIn due time. I'm still learning the system.
DeleteToday I changed the oil in my ride. I collect the drained oil in a used 1 gallon oil bottle and transport it to an auto parts store that accepts used motor oil. They took one look at it and said: "So you bought a Hyundai Ventortoise? How do you like that?" I said no, I have a different car. They said: "We've been reading your postings on 'Overnights At The Waffle House' so we know what you drive!" I told them that was very kind. Had they clicked the link to visit the blog page and purchased any of my books? They were excited as they had not done that yet. I was unsuccessful convincing them I was not Jack Woodd nor do I have a Hyundai Ventortoise. My day was probably a bit like yours.
ReplyDeleteIt is what it is.
DeleteSorry, but this drivel cant compare to this stuff.
ReplyDeletehttps://thejoyofkorea.blogspot.com/2023/12/crazy-planet.html?m=1
The moving finger writes...
Delete